This Christmas

So, this holiday season has been a little different for me. Addyson and Braden are catching on to so much and that is fun to see. I love hearing them singing Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus and reciting the stuff they learned for their Christmas program, especially the part where they say, "I love him, do you love him too???".  And they like to give me presents - they stuff their toys in gift bags and bring them to me. They are having fun and learning about Jesus which is great.


But it's also been a little harder than normal. This Christmas I think about the orphans all over the world waiting for a family. And especially one little guy who I know practically nothing about - I have no idea what he looks like or when his birthday is or specifically where he lives. But there is a place for him in our hearts and our home already. And the days of waiting seem to be getting harder and harder. I know that God is faithful and loving and has a perfect plan that is way bigger than us and what we want. And I trust that He has all the tiniest details figured out flawlessly. This is definitely not all about us and our timing, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard sometimes. I have been known to get very discouraged and annoyed when a phone call comes in from a number that might possibly be our adoption agency calling with info on a referral, that is instead some sort of survey or telemarketer. Instead I am the "lucky person chosen to be part of their survey". No thank you. And yes, I've signed up for the no call list, but apparently these surveys don't count. Boo. 


But I've also learned some new things and seen Christmas in a different way this year. It's amazing to me how God can use a story about Jesus' birth that I've known as long as I can remember and still teach me new stuff every year. So here's some stuff I've been learning and thinking about lately -


This advent season I have been understanding the waiting that Isreal was feeling. I never really thought much about just how long the world was waiting for a Savior. And they had been promised over and over again that he was coming, but they weren't told how long they had to wait so I can understand the doubts and fears. The words from the Christmas carols "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus" and "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" have jumped out at me like never before. Lines like "From our fears and sins release us; Let us find our rest in Thee". "Hope of all the earth thou art; Dear Desire of every nation, Joy of every longing heart." And I am loving "O Holy Night" even more than usual. Stuff like this line "The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger, In all our trials born to be our Friend. He knows our need-to our weakness is no stranger. Behold your King, before Him lowly bend!" 


This year I've also related to the wisemen. They headed off to a place far away and they weren't even exactly sure where they were headed. They followed God's leading (in their case, the star) and went wherever it led, however fast -- or slow -- it seemed to be taking them to find this little boy, and in whatever direction it led. They must have wanted more information about their itinerary, or more information about this baby king and his family, or what he looked like, or maybe a more specific gift to bring. I guess it's a good thing gold, frankincense, and myhr fit all sizes since it took so long to get there; that newborn stuff sure wouldn't have fit! Maybe that's just my way-off-track interpretation but I sure think they followed what seemed crazy at times for a previously undisclosed amount of time before finally getting to meet Jesus. I guess that's hope for me to continue this journey however long and wherever exactly it takes us.


I also thought about how Jesus was born - in a stable, with animals. Not exactly the birth plan Mary probably had in mind. Unlike the kids' Little People Nativity set, I'm pretty sure the hay was poopy and the place didn't smell that nice or look that neat. Like the sermon we heard on Sunday reminded me, we have kind of turned Jesus' birth into a fairy tale that is all nice and makes us feel cozy. But that's not really how it was. Back in the days of NICU when we left our two babies and went home each night, I would meet mommies and newborns heading for home pretty much daily during our walks to and from the parking garage at the hospital. And I also got my fair share of glances of very newborn babies cuddled up with their mommies being rolled from delivery to their rooms and they didn't even need any cords. And I longed for the day that we would have our "normal" pregnancy and birth. I so just wanted something to be normal. But slowly that dream has faded, and I have realized that God has a different plan for us this time too. No newborn baby, but instead an adventure to meet a little boy that we will learn to know and love not from inside my tummy but in our hearts instead. Jesus didn't join his earthly family in the "normal" way, so we don't need "normal" either.


And I've learned that Christmas isn't about the super- happy, excited celebrations and warm fuzzy feelings we're supposed to have. It's ok that there are moments when my heart breaks for the babies lying in cribs just waiting for someone to come get them and love them. And for all that is just not right in this world. The sadness at the evil and heartbreak all around. It isn't how it was supposed to be. But someday Jesus will come back and make it all right. Someday - we're waiting for that too. Our pastor preached on Matthew 2 last Sunday - the story where Herod kills all the baby boys in Bethlehem age 2 and under - hoping to kill Jesus. I had kind of forgotten about that part of the story - they don't have murdered little boys as part of the nativity set to remind me. Not that they should, boy would that be tough to explain to toddlers - but it is part of the story. There was evil then and evil now. And Jesus came here - all the way down to this so imperfect earth - to come and take us home. To save us. He had a plan all along, and he made sure that Jesus was safe to be able to fulfill that plan. The angel told Mary and Joseph to escape and Jesus' life was spared. So, God's plans can't be messed up - not by Herod or by anything or anyone else. That's comforting, even if it doesn't always feel that way. So even though this Christmas I'm missing someone we haven't even met yet, I am reminded that God knows him and has a plan that can't be messed up. It's a good thing Christmas isn't about those warm fuzzy feelings but about worshipping and praising the God of the universe who cared enough about each one of us to share his only son with us. To not leave us as orphans, but to carry out his plan to save us and take us home to a place where someday all will finally be perfect and peaceful. No more tears, worries, or frustrations.  


So that's some of what I've been thinking. That got long - wow, my brain has been busy!! I guess I'm focusing on some of the not-so-perfect parts of the story. God used them all. And I am so thankful that he did. They were all important details to his plan. And I'm so thankful that he gave us the best Christmas gift we could ever, ever get in Jesus. So I'll be singing joyfully and praising my wonderful Savior for his gift of hope, even if there are moments when tears creep in. Hoping that you can do the same this blessed Christmas.

"Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we; Let all within us praise His holy name. Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever! His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim!!! 

From "O Holy Night"

December

Here are a few of the things we've been up to this December:

A few weeks ago Addyson and Braden "sang" in their Christmas Program at church. Here's some video if you'd like to check it out.

Obviously Braden was NOT impressed. It threw most of his day off. He was terrified that we were going to make him stand in front of a bunch of people again or that something out of the ordinary was going to happen. Addyson on the other hand was super excited and kept asking everyone if they watched her and if she could sing again! She even asked me the next Sunday if we got to watch her again. Oh, how different these two are! They didn't do much on stage but they have been singing loud and clear at home for us. 

Other stuff we've been up to:

Eating candy canes

Decorating our Christmas tree and the house:

and getting kisses from daddy too

One of our family Christmas gifts was a globe. Now we can see where little brother is. Braden and Addyson ask where he is so now we can show them. They point it out . . .

and then Braden gives him lots and lots of kisses!

Making Christmas goodies - sugar cookies, chocolate covered pretzels, and cinnamon candy. 

We all had fun cracking the candy. Unfortunately it tasted burned because I took a moment to take care of a certain little girl's temper tantrum and overcooked it. Oh well, it was still fun even though we didn't eat it. And that's just life around here lately.

Playing with the Little People nativity set and learning all about Christmas and Jesus' birth.

And Braden is loving looking at all his "mail". Thanks everyone for the Christmas cards. It has made this little boys season!

Oh, and if you were wondering about Addyson's potty training - well, there is no training going on. We quit for now. Instead we're focusing on stopping sucking her thumb at night. So far so good there. At least we're making some progress, right?

Sorry about the goofy lines and poor picture quality. I have been fighting with Blogger for hours and this is the best I can come up with. Anyone else have this problem and know how to avoid it??

what i might hopefully forget . . .

There are a bunch of little things that I don't want to forget and I posted a bunch of them a few weeks ago about our twins. But there are also a bunch of things that I would rather forget . . . at least right now I think that I would love to never remember them. Time has a way of erasing some things . . . like the details of recovering from a C-section or the immense lack of sleep and craziness of two preemies and you just remember the smiles and blessings of two babies instead. But lately these are the things that overwhelm me and I think I will never forget. But just in case God covers them up with so much joy when I look back, I want to document them to remind me that life is tough some days no matter what stage you are in and seemingly small things stack up and completely overwhelm me if I let them.


Such as . . .


Attempting to potty train two children in a few months time


Addyson appears to be ready to potty train. She knows all the rules. She tells me when she is done pottying in her diaper. She then asks me to "wipe her" and gets out the correct amount of wipes depending on exactly which type of business she has finished, gets out a blanket to lay on, picks out the diaper of her choice (Elmo and Cookie Monster are definitely favorites) and tries to help clean up. We have tried to bribe her to use the potty because I really thought that would work, but the girl thinks none of the things offered are worth her putting her potty in a toilet - no M&M's, no sparkly pink stickers, no money, no french fries, not even a special party or pull-ups or panties are enough for her.


We were at Wal-Mart the other day and one of their strategically placed toys caught her full attention . . .

and she said "That mine if I go poopy" and then gave a sly little giggle. I said, "You go in the toilet and we'll see" thinking "whatever - nothing has worked before and I doubt this will have any effect on my stubborn little two year old." That night while in the bathtub she looked at me and said "I go poopy in the toilet" so I quickly pulled her out of the tub and plopped her on the big toilet. And she proceeded to do some "poopy" in the toilet. I praised her and after the rest of her bath ran to share the exciting news with the boys!!! And she asked for her pink "truck". Just for the record I was not excited about purchasing such an extravagant bribe but as much as I have been fighting with this smart, ornery, stubborn daughter of mine I thought this might be worth avoiding much more misery for the both of us. So daddy made a quick trip to retrieve the pink bribe. The next morning she was ecstatic to see it sitting in the garage charging. We told her all she had to do was potty in the toilet for me and she was free to drive the pink jeep. So she told me numerous times throughout the day that she needed to potty - but nothing. And she decided not to go in her diaper either - lovely. That night we had a babysitter scheduled and plans to go out for the evening. She still had not pottied. So we left and she actually pottied for Miss Twila. She is magic apparently! But to this day still nothing for me or daddy. So no pink jeep. It sits poised and ready to greet her along with a smiling black lab Chloe every time the garage door is opened. But it apparently is now not enough either. Nothing is worth using the toilet I guess. My 2 year old is winning . . . and I don't much like it. So frustrating!!!!! And she is thoroughly annoyed at me. How absurd that I would want her to not wear diapers for the rest of her life!!! Oh, the thought of using that wicked toilet. What a horrible mama I am. So we will see which stubborn girl can hold out the longest, her or me. I am still hoping that someday she can wear her fancy big girl panties, but for now I am enduring and hoping to forget all this someday . . . but today it overwhelms me. She is headed to Grammy's tonight . . . she'll probably do it for her. What a determined little girl God gave me. If only I could help her decide that pottying is a good idea.


Oh, and Mr. Braden who has been practically potty trained since July still refuses to tell me that he has to go. I think I am the one that is potty trained. If I remember to take him, he is golden. Most of the time. If he is involved in something important like playing with animals or trucks he will not take time to tell me. So I try to catch the faces and gestures that mean he needs to go but if I miss it I get the joy of washing soiled undies in the toilet. Yuck!!!! Thank God that we had twins and not triplets because they would have all worn diapers forever most definitely. And we would be dirt poor.

Toddler attitudes . . . They have both also decided that it is a very good idea to be totally defiant, ornery, whiney, and just basically two going on three. Yikes!!! I am thouroughly exahausted after a day of correcting, disciplining, and loving. I'd like to forget how they are so tired of me telling them what to do. But I'm afraid that is going to continue for years to come.


Messy, messy, messiness . . . It sure seems pointless to clean but I guess it is necessary. I don't know how two little people can create such enormous messes. The dining room chairs are usually covered in little handprints hinting at the menu at the Vogt household. And the floor leaves a few appetizers for later more than once in a while. Amazing how food just falls right off the spoon and onto the floor. But someday I will miss the fingerprints on the chairs, and on my clothes, and on the mirrors, and windows, and, and, and. 


I think that's all I'd like to forget for right now. I'll think of more later when I have time to remember . . . or time to forget.


P.S. if anyone has ideas to potty train my little Addyson please, please share!!! I am stumped. Maybe I can come up with an awesome prize for the winning suggestion. It won't be a pink jeep power wheels . . . but that didn't seem to work for her so I doubt it will get you to think very hard either! But maybe you'll surprise me . . . or Addyson will. 

preparing for Thanksgiving

Here's what's been happening at our house lately as we prepare for Thanksgiving.

I can always count on plenty of "help" in the kitchen from these two!

We've been busy baking and eating stuff like chocolate chip pumpkin bread!

And plenty of silly playing!

This is how Braden lines up his vehicles . . .

while Addyson reads.

Addyson and Braden have been busy coloring and also helping me make turkeys out of their hands and feet for our Thankful banner.

Last night we had our family's Thanksgiving meal - 

We successfully ate a whole meal with a tablecloth and candles . . . and nothing was caught on fire or pulled on the floor. The kids enjoyed their paper plates with turkeys on them instead of the nice plates. Everyone helped with supper - Ryan grilled steak and we had green bean casserole, bread, and jigglers. Addyson and Braden were super excited to help me cut out the jigglers into shapes - they picked triangles and circles and A's and B's (for their names). And we finished up with some chocolate chip pecan pie. Because it just isn't Thanksgiving without it! I must admit that I am a terrible pie crust maker. I have tried off and on to make pie crust from scratch and it is never pretty. I think Ryan and I's worst fight ever was the first Thanksgiving we were married when we tried to make pie. So I decided it wasn't worth that and I basically resorted to the boughten refrigerated kind. And then Pioneer Woman had a pie crust tutorial on their website  . . . and I thought that looks simple enough that I could give it another try. Mine tasted super yummy and I got it rolled out after only a few unpleasant words, but it was not the prettiest crust you have ever seen. Oh well, still tastes good. I'll have to work on that another time I guess! Maybe someday I can bake a pie I can be proud of!

Braden had a few leftovers on his plate so we thought we would share with Chloe (in the giving spirit of Thanksgiving of course). The kids wanted to tell her "Happy Thanksgiving". So cute - and Chloe thought it was pretty good too!

And here's one last smile for you!

We hope you have a wonderful week and find lots of things to be thankful for!

big girl haircut!

So, I finally decided that it was time for Addyson to lose her straggly long, long hair and get her first haircut. I've been trimming her bangs for a while now but I have been too scared to take a chop at her long brown locks. And since her hair is in some sort of pony tail or pig tail over 90% of the time anyway, it looked ok usually. But her long hair has been getting really tangled lately (which hasn't been much fun for any of us) . . .  and let's face it, it just looked straggly. So a real haircut it was.

Here are the before pictures . . . 

Here it is wet, so you can see just how LONG it was!

and all dry . . . with some wave and curls. 

During (she did REALLY well by the way) and enjoyed getting her hair cut.

One last look at those long curls . . .

And the cutting begins!

And here she is after! Looking good! 

Beautiful Fall

Right now it is drizzly and cold. Which we are not complaining about. But Sunday was absolutely gorgeous. Sunshine, no wind, and just the right temperature (according to me - you know the kind where you can wear a sweatshirt and jeans and feel the warm sun but you're not too hot or too cold - just perfect!). So as soon as nap time was over the four of us headed to the Arboretum in Hesston. We had a great time. I don't think I had walked the trails since Ryan and I moved out of town. We used to take Chloe for walks there all the time since it was such a short distance from our house. Anyway, the trees are turning pretty colors and we made good use of some old crusty bread (a.k.a. fish food) to throw in the pond. I'll stop talking now and just show you some pictures. They can speak for themselves!

what i want to remember

Here are some things I want to remember about both of you at this age (2 years and 8 months) - 

Addyson is finally big enough for adjustable waist pants (that's a size 24 months). This is what her adjustable waist pants look like - cinched all the way up to the first buttonhole!

And here is how Braden wears his size 3T adjustable pants - on the last buttonhole. The only adjusting his pants ever need is rolling up the bottoms! :)

I want to remember the way Braden plays - very organized. And how you use all my kitchen stuff to organize the candy. Did you know a broiler pan was perfect for this?

I want to remember the way Braden grabs my head and kisses me over and over before bedtime. And how you ask for "lots of kisses". And how you go on and on until I tell you that you have to stop so you can go to sleep. I will never get tired of hearing you say. "Hey, mama!" in your excited voice. I want to remember that you finally use the big toilet instead of Ribbit, and that you excitedly tell me I don't have to clean up the poop anymore as you flush!!! I want to remember your hugs and giggles. And how much you love playing with your daddy. Especially when he ropes you.

You missed him terribly when things were busy and now you could play with him for hours. Your daddy wants to remember how you chased a coyote today with him . . . and how you love to ride horse and feed cows and do anything with animals or outside. How you love your goats and sheep and take care of them. And how you care about people and have such a big heart. When we talk about your little brother, you usually say "Go get him!" and wonder what we are waiting on. The way you love to help me in the kitchen. Your cute chubby cheeks and short legs - you weigh almost 35 pounds but still would rather be carried just about everywhere. Your kissable cheeks and how snuggly you are. You can open deadbolts now so you try to go outside - even if you only have socks on. You ask "What this" or "What these do" about everything - you want to understand it all. You never miss spotting hay bales or animals. You love trains, trucks, and tractors. You are all boy - you talk about pooping and tooting and butt cracks (we both know it wasn't your mama that taught you about those, sigh). Thankfully you stop when I ask you to as soon as you are done laughing. Someday you will grow up to be a mature, caring young man (at least that's what I pray for and work towards!) but for now I clean up your messes and love on you and just laugh. 

I want to remember the way Addyson giggles. And sometimes fake laughs . . . and coughs . . . and then sighs. She makes us all laugh. And how you love to sit beside me while I get ready and pretend to do everything mommy does. I want to remember how confident you can be. And how you have started to take care of your babies; how you love REAL babies. How you love to sleep in - I think if it was just you and me we could sleep in all morning. I want to remember how friendly you can be - and how much attention you get from everyone wherever we go - they think you are the cutest tiniest little girl. And you love the attention most of the time. How you wave. How your tummy always seems to hurt the moment you are in trouble, or are nervous, or tired, or anything. How you push the limit with your ornery smile. How you get annoyed when you are crying because your "eyes are wet". And I love that I get to wipe those tears away and love on you. I love that you hit a stage where you don't want mommy to leave you ever, and that you are coming out of that stage. I love your big spunkiness and loud noises that come out of your tiny little body! I love that I can still carry you around since you weigh 22 pounds! You know all the steps and rules about how to potty like a big kid so that you can remind your brother, but you still have yet to succesfully use the potty chair (but you seem more interested and hopefully we can work on this soon). When we ask you about your little brother, you say he's in Russia and you think you are getting a sister too (because apparently you think brothers always come with a sister since you did!). I love when you pray - sometimes we have no idea what you are saying. You don't understand why Jesus doesn't sleep and you don't want him to come get you or wash your feet. You love Sesame Street - especially Elmo, Abby, and Super Grover and you are super-pumped that your diapers have Elmo and Dorothy on them (maybe that's why you don't want to stop wearing them!). The way you love to snack -your favorites are chocolate and jerky. You like to talk and sing. You hate getting your tangles out, but love your pony tails and clippies. You put on your flowery rainboots with anything and everything and are ready to get to work. God knew I needed a little girl just like you.

We want to remember both of you drinking milk and snuggling up before bed. How you yell at each other for being on the other's side of the bed, but then usually fall asleep basically on top of each other. And playing together bunches and bunches.

And giggling together, crying together, and just doing pretty much everything together. The way you come find us when you wake up and say "We waked up!" as if you are so surprised and excited that you did actually wake up. And the way you love us completely and usually unselfishly, even when we screw up. God has certainly blessed us with two very different, very special little people and we love you both so, so much!!!