It's been a long time since I posted. I've been thinking that maybe it’s time for an adoption update.
We are still waiting. Our dossier has been registered in Bulgaria for 29 months now. We finished our 2nd update in December. We continue to need to update our dossier. The U.S. immigration paperwork and our fingerprints expire every 15 months, but it takes about 6 months to get all the paperwork done and registered so we get to start a new update 8 or 9 months after the last update is finished. That includes background checks, home study updates including visits with our social worker, fees to pay, and many documents to track down. It seems to come around quickly now. All the work to get back to right where you have already been. Not the kind of progress I enjoy too much anymore.
Things in Bulgarian adoption are still moving. It’s actually pretty predictable and uneventful compared to the uncertainty and change that we faced with Karina’s adoption. Our adoption agency has been good about keeping us updated and staying in touch. We are thankful for that. Things are just moving slow. Slower than they guessed for us.
Some days life just goes on like normal. Some days I check voice mails or my phone rings and the kids ask if it is about their baby brother. They haven’t given up hope either, but they are excited and getting weary of waiting just like their parents. Little brother has a bunk bed waiting underneath a big brother that can hardly wait to love him. He has two sisters ready to help take care of him. They really are going to be pretty great siblings.
On the hard days we feel each one of the 875+ days we’ve been officially waiting. We knew it would take a long time, but we’ve exceeded the upper end of the “average” wait time and it just feels so long. The uncertainty gets old.
Addyson and Braden were not even in Kindergarten yet when we started gathering paperwork the first time for this adoption. And now they are finishing up 2nd grade and Karina is getting ready to head to Kindergarten herself in the fall. 875 is a lot of days to second guess your decisions, to wonder if you’re really able to be the parents this child is going to need, to estimate when you’ll possibly be traveling, and for Satan to whisper (and yell) lies at you. When you watch families have multiple children join their family in that same amount of time it starts to seem unfair.
But I am reminded that nothing about adoption is fair. It is never fair for a child to be separated from their parents. It’s not fair for a mother to have to say goodbye to her child, and it’s not fair for all involved to face and deal with the pain and loss associated with adoption for their whole lives long. It’s not fair that we get the opportunity to love their precious child as parents instead. We get to see some redemption and healing along the way. But we didn't choose adoption because it would be fair or go the way we planned.
I am often reminded that it was also not fair that Jesus died for me; that I get Heaven with Him instead of what I deserve. I am reminded that I was created by a loving Father who patiently listens to me pour out all the yucky feelings that creep up. He loves me perfectly anyway, because He chose me. And He's teaching me once again to not yearn for fair, or for my own way. But to wait and trust instead.
God’s plans were formed long ago for every single one of us and they are sure. He has no need to second guess or wonder if He could do something better. No re-working the plans or worrying. He knew the plan for all these 800 some days we’ve already waited and for all the ones to come. He knows each quirky thing about me and our family (the good and the bad) and each and every single thing I wonder about the little boy he has so wonderfully made and that we trust will join our family someday. And that brings much hope. I have hope that God’s plan will prevail at just the right time. I don’t want to screw it up with my impatience, selfishness, and pride. He’s shown us over and over again that His plans are so much better than what we think we want.
As I look back and process, there has also been much rejoicing and blessing in these 875 days we've already waited. Much learning, growing, and healing which will surely make us a little more prepared to love and understand this little guy we are so looking forward to meeting. So we wait - sometimes patiently and sometimes not well at all. But mostly with hope. Hope in a faithful God that doesn’t quit and who is sovereign over all of this and all of us.
