Our 1 . . . and the 300 left behind

Today marks one year since we saw this sweet face for the first time.

It's crazy to look at that picture. To really look at it. To remember staring at her that first time and how we were wondering. Wondering about her and what she was like, exactly where she was, what her story was. We didn't even know her name or her birthday then. Starting to fall in love with a girl in a picture. And now we love her knowing all those things and so much more. And we get the privilege of holding her every day and looking into those beautiful eyes. What adventures have happened since that picture was taken. We had no idea what traveling would be like and never could have guessed how much we would enjoy it. What changes for all of us. God has used that little girl in the picture in mighty ways!!

We are thankful and have hearts full of gratitude that God is allowing us to parent Karina. Even on the tough days when we feel completely inadequate to meet her needs. Trying to figure out how to love her best. Falling on our faces continually as we work to parent all three in the way they each need us most . . .and all at the same time. Goodness it's challenging sometimes. And usually not too pretty. But we are so thankful she is here. And I was recently reminded again not to take that for granted.

The other day I heard a story on K-love radio about Russian adoptions. I had heard of the 300 Russian children before. There are 300 kids that had met their adoptive parents but they didn't make it to their court date before the ban went into effect to stop Americans from adopting Russian children. 

Ryan looked up the story online and showed me this video. And the tears flowed. And my heart continues to ache. You should watch it. Probably with a Kleenex nearby.

This could have been us. That could have been Karina. What if she had been born a few months later? What if we had waited to start our adoption journey a little longer? Thankfully God doesn't have to play the What If? game and he knows how and when and why even when we don't. We knew that it was always a very real possibility that things could suddenly not work out at basically any point along the way. That we could have left our hearts with Karina and never been able to bring her home. I think that was one of the hardest parts of the adoption process - letting go to love her completely and not hold back our hearts - all the while knowing that if we completely surrendered our hearts that they might get completely broken.

The images in this video just shoot too close to home for me. The orphanage pictures, the cute little chairs, standing outside the orphanage waiting. They are much the same and my heart just hurts for these families and for the kids. Kids who knew that this was to be their family. Many of them old enough to really understand. They have been held and played with and felt that glimmer of what life in a family is like. They've felt the love. And now they are just stuck.

Here's another video with two siblings separated by the ban.

I wish I had some thing I could tell you to do to help get these kids home. You can pray with us. Our hearts sometimes feel like they are stuck in Russia too. Wanting to help in a place we can't go back to. There is a documentary that is being shown all over the world to hopefully put some pressure on Russia and the U.S. to figure this out and get these kids to their families. And the money has now been raised to get the word out about the film so I don't think they're collecting any more at this point. Click here to read the news story. And here is the website for the documentary being shown. Putin and Obama have met in person since the above videos were made but the adoption ban wasn't even brought up. They meet again this fall and hopefully they will discuss the ban and these children. I was so touched in the video by the Russian people protesting against their government regarding the adoption ban. They are standing up for what they believe. The people really do care about these kids, regardless of what their government is doing. I wrote to our senators, etc. but I haven't been out on the street marching. It feels like it wouldn't do any good. I have yet to find a way to really be involved. We wish we could really DO something for the kids we saw. Those images don't disappear. So if you have any ideas or know of some way to be involved we'd love to hear it. For now, we pray. That God would work. We know that God isn't wondering what will happen to these children and these families. There are no if's. We've watched miracles firsthand as certain children made their way to their forever families. Crazy awesome wonderful stories. They are good reminders that God is in control in what feels like a complete mess to us. And we try to rest in the fact that someday there will be no more need for orphanages or foster care anywhere because God will make it ALL right again. No families will long for their children. No governments will get in the way with their own agendas. I long for that day. But for today I am thankful we get the chance to love our sweet, funny, totally awesome little girl that one year ago stole our hearts forever. 

6 months home

Karina, since you had your half birthday that means you've also been home 6 months - SIX MONTHS!

I remember at one of your first appointments after you were home someone told us that it would take 6 months for you to get used to us. And it does finally feel like we are all really settling in.

I remember your scared eyes though. We thought you were pretty happy in those early days. And you were, but to look in your eyes now is completely different. 

You are joyful and comfortable. You are full of giggles and ornery and spunk and fun. And we love those eyes, but mostly we love YOU.

When we had your 18 month well check and Dr. Patron took you across the room so he could watch you walk to me you screamed and ran to me as fast as your chubby little feet would take you. And he said, "She's yours." And it finally does feel like that. Like you know and I know that I'm yours and I'm lucky and blessed to get to call you mine. I finally feel like I know you (as much as you know what a 1 year old thinks). I can know what you want by your grunts and noises and looks and can interpret many of your words. I have an idea of how you'll respond to most situations. I know what you like to eat and drink and what you don't. I usually know when you are about to bite or hit because you've had enough. And when you look at something with that ornery sparkle in your big beautiful eyes I can see your brain weaving a naughty idea to carry out. All the things a mama knows. And you save all your nasty stuff for me. You know I can handle your anger and fears and you deal them out in full force sometimes. Your daddy and I are just sure that sometimes you are cursing at us in some Russian/English baby dialect. You still HATE it when I wipe your nose and try to get those boogers and my goodness you can fight me. But I'm so glad because I know that means that you know I'm your mama and I can take it. And you love your dada too and finally will call him that - which makes him melt by the way. You have your daddy's heart in your hand. You can be such a stinker to him sometimes but also so, so sweet.

You love your brother and sister and it finally feels like you three have figured each other out. You miss your big buddies if they're gone and you give them the best night-night hugs and kisses most of the time - when you haven't decided to bug each other. You really are fighting and acting like siblings. You look for them as soon as you wake up. They are your best buds and you love to imitate anything they do - the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are pretty proud of yourself when you succeed. And super frustrated when you don't. You love it when they ask you if you want to play. You are starting to call them by their names. You say Adda and Bra-Bra. They are pretty smitten with you too. 

Braden loves to help you. Lately he likes to carry you and help you get down from whatever you've managed to climb and strand yourself on. He tries to help you down the stairs to the garage and into the car when I'm not looking. He wants to hold your hand and take you everywhere with him. And you are pretty much always ready to go anywhere.

Addyson loves to mommy you. You usually don't appreciate it so much, but sometimes I find you two playing so sweetly together. 

And you love to be girly with her. You like it when she brushes your hair. You love her shoes and her jewelry and pretend hair stuff. I think you two have lots of fun sister time ahead - and some pretty good knock down drag out fights too. Before long you can probably even share your clothes. :O) Addyson still outweighs you but not by all that much.

You are always busy and climbing.

And your hair will fit in the cutest pony tail.

It's been amazing to watch you grow in the last six months. Your little personality is so fun and you are bringing such joy to our house and to your world. So thankful for the time we've had with you. In some ways it feels like you've always been here but there have been lots of teeny tiny, sometimes unnoticeable, steps over the last six months to get us all to where we are today. Thankful we got to take them together. We love you so, so much. You've done amazingly well and been so much more than we even imagined you could be. Even in spite of our numerous mistakes along the way. This parenting gig turns out to be a wonderful, crazy challenge but you sure make it fun through the many twists and turns. Thanks for six super months sweet girl.