Three Weeks Home

Yesterday marked three weeks that we've been home with our sweet Karina.

We are learning more every day.

It has been a hard three weeks. Mostly days that run into nights and somehow become weeks and we've finished three of them. Time kind of stops. 

We've survived jet lag - after several trips in a few months it seems like the jet lag got worse each time. Maybe it's because we had a one year old with us on the trip back and didn't really get any sleep on the planes or once we were home. Anyway, we survived.

It's been filled with sickness. This sweet smily girl had a stuffy nose when we picked her up from the orphanage that the docs in Russia said was just teething. 

By the time the weekend had ended and Monday rolled around, she had a cough and pretty good cold. So she got to meet Dr. Patron. Turns out our happy little girl had double ear infections, a respiratory infection, cough, rash on her face, and I don't remember what else. So we learned what a fighter she is. My goodness, normally kids fight you wiping their nose and other life-saving necessary chores that they are sure will kill them. But Karina FIGHTS. It's amazing to see what she has learned to take care of herself. She kicks . . . and screams . . . and holds her breath . . . and yells . . . and she is STRONG. Those arms and hands can push away and claw. So she screamed a lot while we did breathing treatments, 

wiped special salve on her rashy face, and forced meds down her throat. Eventually she fought less and trusted us more. She is doing much better, but still trying to kick an outer ear infection. We're on new antibiotics and hopefully this one will help. We also made a trip to Kansas City to the international adoption clinic for routine tests. Good reports so far.

Meanwhile, three out of five at our house were on amoxicillin. Ryan might have had strep, or just really bad canker sores. There's been a little stress at our house. Addyson had a sinus infection and an ear infection. She had no voice - listen to her singing happy birthday to Ryan. What a cute little chain smoker :)

Poor Ryan's birthday wasn't the greatest - no one was feeling very well. But at least his mom came through with his special chocolate caramel birthday cake and supper.

Braden had a fever and now a little cold. I managed to escape with just sinus junk and headaches. But I think we are all on the road to recovery . . . finally.

So, what we're learning - 

Braden and Addyson are having a harder time than Karina is. Before we left to get Karina, Braden was asking a lot of questions and I could see his little brain wrapping his head around the details of what was coming. We knew it would hit Addyson when things were real. And that's pretty much how it went down. Addyson had some massive tantrums in those first few days, but she's a girl and will tell me what she feels, work through it, and have a new mood in a few minutes. And she dealt pretty quickly. Poor Braden was good the first tiny bit and then unleashed some scared sadness on us. He never took anything out on Karina but he is still jealous when she sits on our laps and steals daddy's play time especially. The whining and disobedience was epic. But we are seeing glimpses of our sweet little boy again.

He is super sweet with Karina and loving. And he and Addyson both love to help me with her. Addyson loves to get in her face and poke her and smother her . . . and Karina is not impressed. 

But they are all starting to play together better. 

And Karina is learning to tolerate their craziness and loves.

Karina on the other hand amazes us. The moments early on that we thought were grieving seem more like she didn't feel good. And when that happened she only wanted mama - the daddy she loved to play with and actually preferred on our visits was not cool. Which means mama spent a lot of time holding her in those early days, lots of time in the carrier. Wore this jet lagged mama out. But otherwise she was awesome - laughing and playing and generally sleeping. Now she plays with her dada - she thinks he is super cool once again. 

She loves to play with him and reaches for him. And adjusting better than we could have imagined. 

She LOVES to eat. Whenever, whatever. 

Girl loves her food. Table food with big chunkies are no problem. She's not picky. She gets two bottles a day which we love. I can not tell you how nice it is to have a child who comes to us knowing how and ready to eat after trying to teach two preemies. It really is a pretty good gig getting her at 1 year old and not doing the newborn thing all over again. Of course I would have loved to squeeze her the day she was born, but God's plans work out pretty awesome after all.

We are in awe of her abilities - she is really not delayed at all. This is unheard of people - all institutionalized kids have some delays. As loving as their caregivers may be there is just not time to spend special one-on-one time with each kid like they get in families. We have picked up bits and pieces and learned that the orphanage where she was is specialized. She got therapy (at least that's what we're told). The region she was in is known for taking good care of their kids in orphanages. She got food and was warm. We got sweet notes from her caregivers with her handprints and footprints. Don't get me wrong - it's still an orphanage and although she was in what seemed to be a pretty great one there are much worse that exist in the country. And every kid needs a family - I'm just saying that she was blessed. God was taking wonderful care of her and providing some special ladies to look after her. 

She is cruising around furniture like crazy so it won't be too long before I would suspect that she is walking. 

The only other area she is "behind" in is talking. But you can't expect a baby who's heard Russian for a year to suddenly spit out English words. She does understand some words - she definitely knows the Russian word for no - pronounced NYET. And she says Da - the word for yes. Her favorite word to babble. But it's amazing to see what she's picked up already. Braden is going to have a hard time getting many words in between his two chatty sisters. Karina is growing and changing right before our eyes. I think she knows what she is saying when she calls her daddy dada. No real luck on the mama thing yet. But I'll keep trying. 

She never really minded the car seat once she knew Ryan or I was in the car too. She likes people - the one personality description we got with our referral info was that she is friendly. And she is. I think part of it is her personality but part of it is how she has survived. If you want attention and you don't have a mom and dad to praise you and engage you, then you have to seek it out and charm whoever you can. And girl can charm. That big grin softens hearts and brightens up a room. 

From our few experiences out in public - when we were still in country and then at dr. visits, etc. - she wants everyone's attention, and usually gets it as she charms away. She loves to be silly and laugh and play. She loves music - dances, claps, and sings along with babbling da's. She is pretty happy now to crawl and cruise around everywhere. She still wants to be held sometimes and she lets me know it. But she is getting more independent which makes my life a lot easier - a lot easier for me to help Addyson and Braden. She loves her baths in the kitchen sink. 

She is adventurous - opening drawers and finding things that Addyson and Braden never noticed. Throwing stuff down the stairs. 

She likes to be on the move and stay busy. She's keeping us on our toes!

Sleeping and figuring out a schedule that works has probably been our biggest struggle - at first she wouldn't take naps longer than 20 minutes. But that is going better. And then we were really struggling at night. Wakes up a lot. With sad cries. That was the only real grieving I think I've seen. I mentioned to Ryan once that it seemed like she would wake up mad at the world. And Ryan said she probably is - what has the world given her the last year to trust?? She has every right to be. But she is doing much better and seeming to sleep more soundly. Last night went much better and I think I'm slowly figuring out this amazing girl and how to help her sleep.

As wonderful as she is, it has still been hard. There are many moments of despair. Moments feeling trapped and so inadequate to love this little girl. Knowing that you will fiercely fight for her, but frustrated that you don't know what she needs and that you barely know her. Feeling like anyone's guess is as good as yours as to how to meet her needs. Struggling to be the mama she deserves. While being the mama the other two need so much too.

And being a wife. And doing it all while we're all tired and feeling yucky - that didn't really help much. And pondering so many things in my heart - there is just so much still to process. Maybe I can share some of it with you as I process. I think I will spend the rest of my life in awe of God's plan with adoption. How He loves us unconditionally and perfectly and how he came for us. How He had a perfect plan to rescue us. How He can bring such beauty and miracles out of pain and care for the fatherless. 

Karina is amazing and beautiful and we find more reasons every day to be so proud of her. I can't wait to see what God does with her life. We are so privileged to be a part of it. I can't help but look at her and think how blessed we are that out of the billions of people on the earth, WE get to love her as our own. And I think of how many people had the chance but missed out on our special little girl. So glad she is home with us.